Reading “the Zombie Survival Guide” by Max Brooks in honour of “The Walking Dead”

Check this book out and be prepared!

the power of words, we are what we eat.

~ summer of 78 ~ yann tiersen ~

i have a real fondness for words. i must, for there is a sometimes-urgent need to make them beautiful, or expressive in some way. to have a flow to them. to represent the mood of an idea.

i wonder where that fondness comes from or which experiences in my past led to that.

it’s definitely a brainfuck: we are the sum  of our decisions, their repercussions and our subsequent reactions.

the art of giving up

my drive (albeit absent some days) is to be better, to be ready.. for something. i need to be amazing at everything i set out to do. not to be the best and feel awesome about it, but to be competent enough, just in case.. i guess it’s to protect myself.

which probably means i’m actually rather scared about death in some way. steeling myself to face the inevitable.

such a better way is to really live in the first place, and forget about it.. until it just doesn’t matter anymore.

so while sitting on my balcony, stretching and thinking about my place in the universe, i know i must learn to let go.

the end of star trek – the next generation just made me tear up.

because we all grow old and die.

because time flows past us, is ephemeral.

because everything eventually changes.

also, because star trek – the next generation is now over for me.

i will never be sitting at the end of my bed, in downtown toronto, with my girlfriend sleep-breathing beside me, watching seemingly endless star trek tng, while typing blog entries and flashing wm 6.5.3 on my phone.

one day i will look back at this moment, if i can recall it with any clarity and reflect on the days i spent in toronto, on some other terribly vague generalization of the past.

some day i will grow old.

some day i will die.

it isn’t the death that bothers me i suppose, but the knowledge that it is to arrive, the knowledge that everything that happens from when i am born to my eventual death will probably mean nothing in the end.

ah, wasn’t that saturday morning’s cheery rays of sun coming over the horizon?

the value of intelligence in society

why are people offended by (not specifically) being called not intelligent, or being called “stupid”?

“Stupid” and “smart” (plus any synonyms) are just terms used to describe. They are neither positive nor negative, or more aptly, they can be either positive or negative, or both at the same time depending on viewpoint and global perspectives.

Perhaps it is good to be “stupid” in that you don’t have all the stress that the “intelligent” people may feel. The adage “Ignorance is bliss.” is repeated for a reason.

Beyond the above, it is seriously obvious (You would have to be stupid NOT to notice) that society in general does not highly value intelligence. If they did, lots of things would be different. Athletes and celebrities would not be paid as much. Scientists however, would be. Funding would be funneled appropriately. Somehow, “stupid” is offensive even though people, in general, don’t particularly value intelligence.

PS. I am reminded of an episode of “Sliders” where they end up somewhere where intelligence is highly valued and highlights the differences.

(http://www.tv.com/sliders/eggheads/episode/29777/summary.html?tag=ep_guide;summary)

experiences stack atop themselves like bricks of Lego

I can’t seem to stop thinking about this concept, safely tucking it under my spatial wings.

Every time you do a certain activity, even as simple as eating ice cream, solidifies it’s own burgeoning identity. It is like a cloud of ice cream eating memories, constantly changing your opinion about ice cream, distorting past memories, manipulating future encounters.

I think about eating ice cream a lot. When I was young, we didn’t get a chance to eat it often at all, and my desire for it was great. Was it because kids love them some sweets? Was it because of the inability to attain it? Perhaps both.

Ice cream just doesn’t hold the same appeal or desire. It is common place for me.

Some days, I intensely crave a simplicity I no longer  seem to be able to attain. I wish to wake up and sit cross-legged, staring out from the middle of a lake,  on the edge of my sparse Japanese style dwelling, meditating, being able to register only the sounds of the untouched world around me.

Such simplicity could bring back the instant smiles at just the thought of things.

In this sense, ignorance really is blissful.

perhaps ignorance really is bliss?

Lately I’ve been pondering the concept of knowledge more than usual.

During the huge changes in my life in my early 20s,  I began voraciously seeking scientific knowledge. Previously this had been a no-no. I had been learning about science but only in a very controlled manner.

The more I learn however, the more I realize I don’t actually know. I’ve started postulate and intermixing theories from different disciplines. My proverbial world is really opening up. Some days my head feels like it will explode. The weight of all that knowledge either presses heavily and wearily upon me, or lifts me up weightlessly. (For example, so many things in life and science are both ends of the extreme at the same time! How can this be?)

I can see the benefits to shoving ones head in the sand, or at the very least, being capable of shoving ones head in the sand. I am not at a position in life where I can do this (it seems). I doom myself to quest after knowledge I can never truly have. I will feel hurt and beat myself up over not being capable of attaining all “truth” and knowledge.

Maybe I’ll grow up and get over this fact. Perhaps my advancement is just retarded. Ironically, it is more intelligent to be less intelligent.

does the word “natural” not mean “occuring in nature”?

i find it amusing when people say things are “unnatural” when they really mean “the bible condemns it”.

it’s extra confusing because of the etymological meaning of the word.

for example, of course, homosexuality is “not natural” and yet it occurs plentifully in nature.

(from Merriam-Webster’s)

Main Entry: 1nat·u·ral
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French naturel, from Latin naturalis of nature, from natura nature
Date: 14th century

1 : based on an inherent sense of right and wrong <natural justice>
2 a : being in accordance with or determined by nature b : having or constituting a classification based on features existing in nature

perhaps i should find it more disturbing that the etymological meaning is second to the more “biblical” meaning.

i stand corrected to an extent. corrected in the view of general societal understanding of a word overcoming the original broken-down word meaning.

i stand by the word meaning.

perhaps because i have trouble being non-literal.

perhaps because i value logic my own logic and my own interpretations) over anyone else’s.

perhaps because i generally find people very very illogical.

the internet is a chaotic interwoven mindf*ck

it seems more poignant if i say no more.

just know that at this moment, i cannot fathom the complexity of it nor the fact that millions upon millions of people are online right now. (ie, http://www.internetworldstats.com/stats.htm)

it is not difficult to support the postulate that soon (relatively speaking) we will have the internet plugged into us in some way. sure… this is hella scary but hello, mental iphone!* it kinda rocks.

thinking that as i am writing and posting, other people are possibly reading it and  forwarding it or posting it as a link is mind boggling and humbling. perhaps in our over-the-top, disturbing technological burgeoning, we may be finding an unexpected (regardless that it is rarely thought of) togetherness and zen?

or perhaps not… consider yurslf pwned n00b.

*relating to ubiquity more than design, not so fond of all the little apps cluttering up my space.

i love my macbook pro.

after the post about how we all need to pitch in to save the planet from crisis, i would like to post about how much i love my new toy, my macbook pro. (i suck.)

but really, it uses less energy! and it does everything i want quickly and beautifully. also, when i use it, i mostly am thinking “this is fun!” or “wow, that was easy…” instead of “where’s that driver again?”

this afternoon, i created a “scrapbook”/comic book of a work function, then created a quick website, which i hosted from my own computer. most of the time it took was from my own stupidity when i didn’t save my work and then a rare mac app freeze occurred. i’ve never created a scrapbook on a computer, and i’m notoriously poor at figuring out photo related software. also, last time i created a website, it was in the 90s and i think it was with geocities. oh dear!

anyway, this is a boring post. but i love my mac. i can almost safely say, i am a convert. and i was always like… i hate being forced to do things a certain way!

but when my main concerns with a system are: “it doesn’t let me move a column over here where i want it!! wah wah wah!” then i really have nothing to complain about.